


Empty Date, Empty Year, Empty Heart, Empty Room

by ArbitraryAlliance



Category: OMORI (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Changing POVs, Gen, Hero (OMORI)-Centric, Kel (OMORI)-Centric, POV First Person, Post-good ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29766003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArbitraryAlliance/pseuds/ArbitraryAlliance
Summary: It was preventable.That's all that wrapped around Hero's head. Hours on end, he was daunted, taunted, and even haunted by his own spiraling thoughts.Mari's smile filled the room, was the glue that held them together, optimistic, loving, and all too charming...And yet, he hid underneath this sad blanket, wiping tears with the same cloth. Guilty. Confused. Stressed.He loved her. He knew her in a way no one else did. He repeated the question over and over.How did he not see the signs?And even now, why can't he find any?---------------------- /0\ ----------------------Kel and Hero's argument. Written out.
Relationships: Hero & Kel (OMORI)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 48





	Empty Date, Empty Year, Empty Heart, Empty Room

**Author's Note:**

> We chase after ghosts and spirits,
> 
> and are left holding only memories and dreams.
> 
> It's not that we want what we can't have;
> 
> it's that we've held all we could want
> 
> and then
> 
> had to watch it
> 
> slip
> 
> away

I set down the stack of papers right on my bed, loosely gripping my pencil after counting them up and looking at the list of work.

I abruptly stop the twirling pencil with my thumb.

I finished everything.

_No, no, there's got to be some more to do. I'm just not looking in the right place. I took all the bonus assignments, so I can't be finished this early in the day._

_I didn't even go to school. These assignments should've taken longer. I should've taken longer._

_Am I even correct? Did I do this right?_

_Is there more?_

_What do I do if there isn't more?_

_Did the class get more?_

_What do I do to make myself busy without consulting others?_

_Did I write the date on any of these papers?_

_...Oh, I didn't._

I keep my right hand busy by spinning the pencil in a circle, a quick trick I learned just by observing those who could do it, and grabbed the rest of the finished assignments. I flicked my ring finger and made the pencil move in between the pointer and middle finger just so I could write. I look up at the calendar.

Somehow, I always seem to forget this every time I manage to even sit up from the bed.

The calendar hasn't changed.

I've been reusing the same one from last year.

The date has been scribbled out with a blue pen, and there's even a hole through it. But if I look at the date behind it, I can tell what it is.

The day of the recital.

...

_It's been a year._

_A year._

...

I solemnly write the date down. Page by page.

Each time I wrote a letter down, I pressed harder, trying to let my anger and sadness out via sheer strength.

The letters got bolder. Thicker. Stiffer.

The lead was suffering, shrieking in dismay.

I quickly occupy myself before unwanted memories barge on in.

I fail.

_"Sunny and I are going to perform on stage! You guys are coming, right?"_

The memory slams into my head.

_"Wouldn't miss it for the world! When is it?"_

_"Oh, right! 3 pm, on_ Oc **tol**

|

|

|

|

|

l

l

l

l _

\

\

|

\

*

I broke out of my trance due to the noise of the lead putting a hole through the paper. I didn't even realize I was going off of the line. I had applied too much pressure, and making holes is too easy with paper only being supported by your lap. The letter b I wrote was especially unsettling, resembling an L and the stroke seeping heavily into my actual school work.

I only had written down the date once.

I didn't even notice the dark wet circles that suddenly appeared on the paper.

...

_I can't do this._

I threw my dull blue pencil against the wall, ricocheting and rolling across the floor. I did the same to the binder filled with half-assed work and spun the paper as if it was a frisbee towards the door. I slowly raise up the blankets to cover my entire body.

I fully submerged myself inside the warm contents of the fluffy cloth.

Usually, the blanket never made it feel better.

I had been using schoolwork to distract myself. Distract my thoughts from the seeping hole in my heart.

It was working.

It really was.

I thought I was getting somewhere. It was such a long time since I did anything other than lie in my bed and mourn.

Where did my motivation stem?

Stemmed from thinking it was going to distract me from my thoughts.

_If trying to move on hurts so much more... I'll stop trying._

I went and lied down, eyes shut and on the verge of tears. I tried to listen for signs of anyone in the same room before I let it all out-

but the waterworks flowed before I could even finish.

_I don't care anymore._

I feel myself regressing into the same thoughts I have every day.

This time, the fall felt worse.

I fell harder. Faster.

Because I had attempted to climb out, even the slightest bit.

_I just miss her. I miss her so much._

_I loved her. I still do._

_But if I do, then... then how come I didn't see any signs!?How come I—how come I was unable to see what was bothering her?_

_And even now... I still don't know. I've been here for a year, and I still don't know! I don't know! I reminisce every day—yet I still can't find any signs—I KNEW her in a way no one else did—_

_And yet—I still don't know!_

_If I was better—maybe she wouldn't be dead. Maybe it's my fault. It's my fault I couldn't see anything. I'm supposed to be the responsible big brother in the group—I'm supposed to be—be the one looking out for everyone—I'm supposed to be the observant one and yet—_

_She went out the way she did._

_Was I not enough?_

_Maybe I wasn't even a reason to stay._

_I really thought she loved me back._

_She did, right? I couldn't have been blindsided, was I?_

_Was I not enough reason to stay?_

_I had the power. The chance. The time. The ability to be a stopping force in whatever she was thinking._

_And I blew it. I blew it. I blew it. I blew it. I blew it. I screwed up. I messed up. I screwed up. It's my fault. I messed up. I messed up. It's my fault—I screwed up—I messed up—I blew it—It's my fault— I—_

_I have no one to blame but myself._

_I messed it all up._

_You can solve and figure out anything in school, but you can't even figure out something about your lover? Why are you so pathetic?_

_We were lovers, right?_

_Do I even have the privilege to be loved by her?_

_Did she love me?_

_Did she..?_

_Or did she think it was a joke she played along with, and I was just the fool that couldn't see it?_

_Did I make the time we spent together about me instead of her?_

_Was she okay with that?_

_Or was she just putting up with it?_

_I should've- should've made it more about her._

_I should've pushed her into talking about herself._

_She knew me—she knew me too well—_

_but did I know her?_

_No, no, you clearly didn't! You can't see anything! That still hasn't changed!_

_She knew exactly what ruffled my feathers—she poked around at them, and even teased me—knowing that I'd never actually been mad at anyone, but..._

_Did I—_

_I—_

_There's no way I was I the opposite of what I thought I was-_

_There's no way—no, no—that doesn't make sense—but nothing makes sense anymore! I can't rule that out!_

The only noise that accompanied me was my broken, desperate sobs. My knees were up to my chest, and I realized I had curled into a ball once again.

_What I think doesn't matter—I thought I loved her. I-If I do, how come I still don't understand- understand anything!? Why did she—why— was she playing a ruse? That entire time? Was she hiding pain? And if so, how long? And did anyone notice? If not me–if not me, then did Sunny notice? He's had to— anything—_

_Please—_

I grasped for invisible straws.

_...Please._

_I just... need any sort of answer._

But this problem didn't have a definitive answer.

At least, not one I could see.

And I would never be able to see it.

Not then.

_..._

_If I even find a hint of what might've lead Mari to that decision—_

_it is already too late. Long gone._

_She's gone._

_I wasn't enough._

_I'm STILL not enough._

_When am I going to be enough?_

_When?_

_When?!_

_I wasn't enough to save a life—the life that everyone relied upon—what kind of hero am I? Do I-Do I even deserve that nickname? I'm told I'm naturally good at everything—_

_Then why can't I do this?!_

_Am I going to sit here until I figure anything out..?_

_That's what I deserve, isn't it—_

_You don't deserve to be anywhere else,_

_because you failed her._

My thoughts seemingly stopped there.

Only because all I could focus on was my cries into the fluffy sheet.

I felt myself sink further into the bed. My back started dipping further into the center, and I thought it was just my imagination thinking that I glued myself to the bed even more- But my cries were suddenly stopped by a hand on my shoulder.

"Hero?"

Kel.

_God, wait—he heard me crying that entire time, didn't he. I-I was supposed to be on the lookout for anyone coming in, and I couldn't even do that—_

"I saw the binder on the floor, and uh," he hesitated, but I didn't move. Eyes still closed and body curled up, and the only thing that faltered was Kel's grip on my shoulder. "I... wanted to ask about it, I guess. I got really excited actually seeing it move from the usual spot, you know—I actually got really hopeful. N-Not to say my hope is gone-"

"Mm."

"I, well, I looked through your work." He slowly enunciated to make sure I got it loud and clear. My heart sank immediately, knowing what was coming next. He waited for a response but got none. I wished he would leave, but he persisted. I mentally groaned. "Even that lone page on the floor. You know, the one with the unfinished date and the hole?"

No answer.

"Okay, what-what I'm trying to get at here is that I..." He audibly exhaled, thinking before he spoke. He really didn't want to screw up. "...I don't think these answers are right. Half of the time I can't even make out the words, either. The handwriting is... just off. I'm still really happy you made an effort. I just..."

I didn't move from my position.

"I really miss you. Everyone does."

Those words threw me back to my thoughts once more. I used to say that over and over to myself like I actually reached her. I used to talk to her like she was there, and when no answer came... I felt so empty. Yet, it gave this sickening false sense of hope I would wake up and this will all have been a bad dream. Just a nightmare—one where if you force yourself to wake up, you do. I willed and I willed and I willed, and out came reality. By that, I mean nothing happened. It was always real. I was selfish enough to think I might wake up from this the next day when I wasn't even dreaming.

The times I do dream are horrible as well.

The dreams where she's there are horrible, ridden with guilt and hints I made up in my mind when I couldn't find any. I made her out to be obvious just to tell myself I'm observant. The dreams where I forget she ever even existed are horrible as well. I'm off, Sunny's off, Kel's off, Aubrey's... most of the time Aubrey isn't even in those dreams; when she is, she's off as well.

The dreams where everything is normal didn't ever seem to last as long as I liked.

One dream, in particular, is recurring.

They're always set in Mari's picnics, but it's just the two of us.

She laughs for a bit and gives her patented relieving smile as I return the gesture with my own.

No matter how many times I repeat this nightmare, I couldn't find any hints from her behavior.

The ending is always the same.

The jump rope breaks her neck.

And I stood there, oblivious.

The one cycle that kept me up for two nights was when I realized it was a dream.

I willed myself to wake up, looking away from her—

and I heard the loud snap before I could wake up.

I sat up from my bed instantly, screamed from the top of my lungs. Before I knew it, my parents surrounded me and rushed to hold me. I couldn't tell if Kel was asleep, my parents loud reassurance tuned out his snoring— that is, if he **was** snoring. He's such a heavy sleeper, would've slept through a bomb.

I hope he wasn't awake for that.

"Everyone wants to see you get better, Hero. They really do miss you. Your teachers miss seeing you inspire the class, and some of your classmates came up to me and asked how you were doing; oh, they said you can borrow their notes, by the way." I heard the binder get set down slowly, leaving only the singular paper on the bed, ruffling whenever Kel so much as moved. "I think you know this already, but mom and dad are worried sick. I swear, they talk about you every single day. I can't remember a day where I didn't come home to the same talk. They're trying really hard."

It's not like the walls were sound-proof. I heard them loud and clear every single time. I learned the time frame they discussed and tried to sleep in those hours. For some reason, whenever I heard them discuss how to get me out of my room, I felt the need to go against it. Felt the need to purposefully let their plan fail. Felt as if I shouldn't get better.

Why?

I felt I deserved to be in that state.

After zero response, Kel's voice wavered, only regaining its determination halfway. "I'm really worried, Hero. I've been worried for a year. I come into this room every single day just hoping that you've moved even the slightest. I know I always leave you be, but... so many people want you back. I do, too. ...I want my brother back. Please..."

If it was anyone else, I would've tuned out this encouraging thought.

But, it's Kel.

I didn't notice I fell back on my tendency to be more patient with him than anyone else.

I started to still my thoughts after that. He was right, and maybe I was being selfish this entire time. If I had any right to get better, it would be for Kel. I mentally sighed, debating to sit up-

"I know Mari wouldn't want to see you like this."

The name drop.

He felt me flinch. I know he did, cause his steady hand on my shoulder quivered. He even released.

I felt another spiral of thoughts come at an alarming rate. I sat up, just as planned, but with a different outlook than previously intended. Instead of looking at Kel with understanding, I had made my fury absolutely clear from just eye contact.

Kel stepped back, his knee quickly hopping off of the bed. His eyes spelled regret, but that didn't stop me from glaring at him.

I stepped off of that bed. The only time I do that is to go to the washroom every so often. I had made a furious, heavy exception. My height looming over Kel contributed to his fear.

"Congratulations, you got me out of bed." My voice struggled to stay quiet, wanting to be yelling the thoughts out rather than letting them trickle out. I had my hand in a fist, tightening the more I bottled up my anger. Yet, the bottle broke. My emotions ran rampant as I tried to hold them together. I felt it all slipping, then I succumbed. I let the rage leave the jail.

I was fuming. Completely enraged. My horrible thoughts rushing to my mouth before I could process them, my mind completely focused on letting every thought out at the same pace they came. My voice had never been so loud and demanding, which scared even me. I yelled, not thinking about the consequences. My right hand rose up and let go of its fist shape, letting it form alongside the fumes. "As if **you** of all people would know what Mari wants! How the hell would **you** know?! Did **any** of us know her?! Did we?! We didn't! WE failed! I failed, Kel—You failed, Aubrey failed, Basil failed, and **we** failed Sunny!"

That explosion was all it took to scare Kel out of his mind. He took a step back, opening his mouth to protest- but every step he took was met with a step forward from my anger-ridden body, and the distance between us never changed. He still made eye contact with me, desperately trying to calm me down with hand gestures signaling me to slow it down. "Hero, wait—don't blame yourself, calm dow—"

"How can I not?!" I didn't even realize my voice could get any louder, but it did. My throat felt like it was burning, but my head felt this horrible, sickening sense of relief. I was constantly being interrupted in conversations. I finally was the one interrupting. I couldn't help but smile for a brief moment before my thoughts overtake me once more. "I loved her, Kel! God, I still do! I was with her every step of the way, and she was with me every step of mine! She was the one I trusted the most— It's unclear whether I grieve for her or for myself sometimes, which makes me sick! I hate thinking about myself when I should've been thinking of her! When I should've been **noticing** anything off about her! I spent so much longer with her than you- I should've known something was wrong! We all should've- How do **you** not blame yourself?! Ever?!"

I found myself suddenly farther away from my bed, not realizing what I had done during that entire angry spurt. Hopefully nothing, just took steps forward while Kel stepped back with his fear increasing by the second.

"H...How do I not..? Uh..." Kel's voice became shaky and quieter, and I had to actively listen to hear him- and in the state of a completely enraged shut-in, that only further fueled my anger. His expression led me to believe he was confused, only now thinking of the question. I yelled out before he could respond.

"Oh, right, cause it's you, Kel! The one who hasn't changed at all!" Those words immediately made Kel freeze up. I hit a nerve, and part of me wanted to stop, but the thoughts kept pushing me forward, stepping with each thought and Kel stepping backward to match. "You, telling **me** what Mari would think? That means absolutely nothing, **nothing** from a kid who **barely** seems affected by her passing! Come on, Kel, she fucking committed suicide, and from the times I saw you, you're still all fun and games. You don't ever think, 'wow, one of my closest friends killed themselves, maybe I could've prevented it' or anything?! Maybe I should've been expecting even less from you! How did you manage to go below my expectations?! You act like she didn't even shake your world! Did she mean **nothing** to you?!"

"N-No! She— I wasn't ever the closest, but she meant... Uh, she meant—" Kel couldn't finish his sentence before more terror struck him. The more he hesitated, the more anger I pent up. I couldn't handle it. There was no bottle to stash it into. The bottle was completely shattered. "...She—"

"You don't know, do you?" My voice got uncomfortably calm, accidentally creating this false sense of relief before I came crashing down once more. I finally realized that I could taste my tears and that only made the yelling more impactful. It was the only thing I could focus on. "If you didn't know even that, how would you know what Mari would say?! Huh?! I am so **sick** of hearing reassurance like that— assurance from people who knew **nothing** of her and even **nothing** of me! Is that all I'm going to hear from you?! A flurry of 'I don't know'?! That's all you say, Kel! Say **anything** else, for crying out loud! I'm begging! Please, please— how have you **not** grieved?! How do you wake up every day acting like **nothing** changed?!"

I couldn't see very well, but I could make out that Kel's legs were up against his bed. I felt my right hand close, clenching what I assumed was my own clothes. It's still iffy, and my body was acting on its own. I could feel Kel's hand on my right arm, shaking. Desperate.

His fear could only say one phrase.

"I... Hero, I don't know—"

I had begged, begged for any definitive answer, but even in my dreams and harsh reality, I cannot find any solid answer. Only questions. No progress was being made, and everything got more complex. More questions arose, which meant more answers to be found. But, there's no answer. I've never gotten an answer. I'm **never** getting an answer.

Never.

_Never._

"Are you kidding me?!" I yelled with a pause long enough to hear desperate footsteps coming up the stairs, but my mind didn't process it. The desperation seemed to be shared between those outside my door, Kel, and me. "You can't even do that?! Nothing about you has changed at all! You're the same Kel as last summer; the kid who never had a care in the world! It's sickening! You're sick!"

What I failed to realize was how much my words could relate to me.

I can't even find an answer. I'm the same Hero as last year; the kid who never did anything except stab at a question over and over and never even made a dent.

It's sickening.

It's hypocritical.

I'm sick.

I'm the hypocrite.

I refocused my eyes on Kel. For some reason, the term blind rage was all too accurate with me. I barely knew what I was doing, only regaining some sort of attention near the end before regressing back into an enraged kid and starting the cycle over and over again. He was sitting on the floorboards, his eyes watering up as he held his wrist tightly.

Yet, he still had zero tears fall.

Seeing his eyes water somehow made me furious. "Oh, now you're gonna cry? Now, because I called you out on it? See, you're still put together! Even with you **thinking** about all of this, you can't even **cry**! You're okay, you're fine! You're good! You're always okay!"

I thought my blind rage was never going to end. I inhaled and yelled the next sentence at him, and it seemed to hold the most weight.

"How?! How are you okay?!"

That's when I felt my parents hold me tight. I didn't even realize they opened the door, but I had tuned out what they were saying just out of habit.

That was when Kel finally started crying.

I wish I had never pushed it.

With his face ridden with pain and stress, he didn't yell back.

Rather, he spoke so softly that it hurt. His voice shook, and the pace was inconsistent, sparking a call for attention.

"I don't know—I don't know. I don't know, I don't know—I'm sorry—"

Kel kept murmuring his apologies, only getting less and less intelligible the more he went on.

Guilt made its way into my mind and tried to repair the bottle. Guilt and regret came hand in hand, tired of being inside of my brain.

My demeanor immediately changed after seeing him break.

I caused that.

I did that.

I finally started noticing my surroundings.

I was surrounded by my parents' constant worry. Kel was sitting down with his hands cupping his ears, continuously letting out a fearful sob. I was annoyed by the constant arm rub, making me wonder why my parents were giving me this sort of attention. Why had they gone to immediately comfort me rather than him?

The favoritism in this situation churned my stomach, and that wasn't from the lack of food. In the moment favoritism could always be brushed aside, but I was never sure what to do. I was supposed to be the big brother. Someone the little brother can count on when there's no one else. Supposed to be there for him when no one else seems to be.

Of course, he was affected. He's lost so much. Why did I say all of that..?

Our whole friend group fell apart, didn't it? I heard nothing from Aubrey and nothing from Sunny. He was so close to the two of them. Basil as well.

Kel shines the most with his friends. It's going to be too hard to shine and hop back from this.

He was far better at doing stuff he loved. He loves being with his friends and lighting up any room. His happiness is contagious, and so is his energy. Sports was just meant for him. If it meant Kel would have more opportunities like that, I'd gladly take up any unfair expectation that was thrown at him.

But, like that, he seems ignored sometimes. Underestimated. Overlooked often as just the carefree kid.

People don't seem to care too much about him. He needs to be given more credit.

He needs someone to be there for him. He's surviving— we all are.

But, it could've been better if we were there for each other.

And I wasn't there for him for a year.

Which meant he wasn't there for me, either.

_"Do you ever feel as if you let your younger siblings lean on you too much?" I had just randomly blurted the sentence out after doing most of the chores Kel was tasked with so he could hang out with Sunny. Mari tilted her head slightly, signaling me to elaborate. I looked away, debating whether or not to say 'nevermind,' and leave it at that. "Like, I have Kel, you have Sunny. Sunny practically clings onto you like a magnet, while Kel... oh, I don't know. He nags me for favors all the time."_

_"Well, are you bothered by it?"_

_"...Not really. If anything, I'm the one offering."_

_"Same as me, then. You enjoy it!"_

_I sheepishly chuckled a bit, taken aback by the thought. It started off with me doing them because I felt bad that I was the favored child. I just started taking them up as if it settled some ground. I tried to level that unfairness by taking an unfair amount of work from him. It wasn't until Mari pointed it out that I noticed I tried to settle guilt with work. She seemed to remember this fact right after looking at my confused face._

_"Or maybe you just like the outcome! Same thing."_

_Mari's eyes closed as she started to laugh, "I can envision Kel doing just fine without you, just as you doing just fine without him. Why not lean on each other while you can? It's not like he doesn't have a brother, so why not be there for him while you have time together? Be there for him when you can be. If he relies on you, isn't that trust?"_

_"...Guess so."_

_"You're always filled with second-guessing, Hero."_

_"Well, maybe I can lean on you to be my second opinion?"_ _I nudged her back, enforcing the joking tone of my voice._

_"Maybe I'll be your problem," she gave me a smirk, alongside the smug eyes. I couldn't help but chuckle as she continued, "then you'll have to go to Kel no matter what!"_

_"Okay, if it was about you, I wouldn't go to Kel!" I playfully joked around, but I glanced around to see if Kel was there just in case._

_"Fine, then Kel would go to you instead!_

_"What? No." I quickly answered, which resulted in my tone being unsure. "...Would he?"_

_"You tell me! Go ask him! That's your answer." Mari pushed me towards the front door. I saw Kel just right outside, sitting down goofing around with Sunny. I went up to him, and he looked up at me._

I immediately exited my parents' grasp and embraced Kel, who flinched and sobbed upon the hug. I started crying as well, and my voice showed this all too well. I started apologizing at the same rate he was. "I'm sorry, Kel— I'm sorry, I'm really sorry— I'm sorry—"

I didn't end up asking him. In fact, I never asked. She was joking back then, and I knew it. It was the first year we met. There's no doubt. Yet, the pieces fit too well.

That's when I realized.

He snapped me out of only thinking of only Mari.

He snapped me out of this perspective that got me nowhere.

I should've been there for him. I'm not the only one who's coping. I shouldn't purposefully stick myself in the past when it made me miserable.

I shouldn't have left others waiting.

I failed her, yes.

Then I continued to fail others because I couldn't deal with it.

_Make it up to them. They're alive. They're breathing. They love you. They want you back._

The wants of someone that's alive need to take more priority than the fake wants I wrote onto a dead person.

Even if that person is her.

My world didn't revolve around her, and that's what I had a hard time figuring out.

Kel gave me that answer.

He gave me an answer. Something I've been seeking for a year.

And I repaid him with rage.

That's when I decided to be there for him. I needed him, and he delivered. I shouldn't have asked him for space all that time. It was my job as a big brother to be a role model and responsible for him.

_"That's your answer."_

Mari's voice rang in my thoughts, but it was always that specific quote.

I guess... she had already given me an answer.

I started embracing Kel even more. Every single emotion rushed up to my brain in the moment. There was no bottle. I felt relieved, guilty, happy, sad, angry— but every overwhelming emotion became matter in the form of my tears. We both cried our hearts out in that room and came out alive.

The next day, he was really happy to see me up and at 'em. Any negative thought was blown away by his contagious smile as he scarfed down the first meal I made in forever. Kel bought me a new calendar, so my dates weren't in the past, either.

I'd never get over her, but she came last. What's in front of me can come first. I focused more on others and school, that I barely had time to even think about her.

I had opened my drawer a few times, forgetting that I didn't throw away the old calendar. I buried it with my schoolwork but still couldn't find it in me to trash it for some reason. She bled into my thoughts every so often.

So much that I decided to become a doctor despite what she thought.

If I cooked, I would be reminded of her. If I was a doctor, I could save people, right? If I could save anyone, I'd be happy. Save who can be saved. Plus, that's what my parents wanted. I owed it, sort of.

It was a rough four years. 

When I visited the graveyard with everyone, saw her grave? Had a picnic? It was all so bittersweet. I should've been there for Aubrey. Someone else to apologize to.

When I made that promise that we'd stick together, no matter what, I didn't know we were already so close to breaking it. We were close to putting it back together.

Yet, here you are standing before us.

Speaking for the first time in how long?

Telling us that you killed her, hung her, and let us live a lie for four years.

A lie that controlled my life.

"I..." I barely choked a word out. My surroundings begin to become a blur, and all I could see clearly was your face shriveled up in fear. A high frequency rang in my ears.

I don't know what I'm supposed to think. How to react, even.

This means Mari wasn't hiding anything. This means I didn't miss any signs. This means the torment I put myself through for a year was for naught. 

This means she didn't kill herself.

This means... it wasn't my fault..?

That's what I have had hammered into my brain for so long—

What is even the appropriate reaction here? I try to think about it, but a familiar combo of emotions starts coming on in again, slowing my thought process. I felt relieved, guilty, happy, sad, angry— but every overwhelming emotion started to become matter as I started tearing up.

I walk forward, almost subconsciously. I feel someone grab my shirt and lose their grip on it immediately. Panic seems to fill the room and in my tunnel vision, I could see that someone was in front of Sunny. "Hero, don't—"

I go out the door without a second thought and quietly close it, despite everything.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to airdrop this fic to myself and I almost sent it to my brother lolol that would've been embarrassing considering this fic focuses on a brother lashing out at a younger sibling LOLOL  
> also pls go easy on me hsshsgdahd,, i will crie
> 
> The next chapter is in Kel's POV. I want to emphasize perspective more.
> 
> This chapter's name is "How are you okay?"  
> Next chapter is named "I don't know."


End file.
